It’s not how long we held each other’s hand

What matters is how well we loved each other

It’s not how far we travelled on our way

Of what we found to say

It’s not the spring you see, but all the shades of green

It’s not how long I held you in my arms

What matters is how sweet the years together

It’s not how many summertimes we had to give to fall

The early morning smiles we tearfully recall

What matters most is that we loved at all.

It’s not how many summertimes we had to give to fall

The early morning smiles we tearfully recall

What matters most is that we loved at all.

What matters most is that we loved at all.

I LOVE YOU THEN and I STILL LOVE YOU NOW ^____^

I LOVE YOU THEN and I STILL LOVE YOU NOW ^____^

By letting go, we actually allow more of the mystery of life to come in for us.

Isn’t that what we wanted all along
Freedom like a stone
Maybe we were wrong
But I can say goodbye
Now that the passion’s died
Still it comes so slow
The letting go

Excerpt from the song, "The Letting Go"
Written & Performed by Melissa Etheridge

Letting go. It is difficult for us in so many ways and on so many levels. Yet life calls upon us to do it, over and over again. Letting go is part of our growth process. We cannot move on to the new while continuing to cling to the old.

There come times, in the context of love and romance, when we must learn to let go. For some of us, as described in the song, we must let go of a past romantic relationship. Maybe the relationship was not meant to be: perhaps it was hurtful to us, or perhaps it was hindering the personal or spiritual growth of one or both partners. In this case, even when there may still be feelings of passion, or attraction, or just the comfort of the familiar, we must be strong in letting go of something that is unhealthy for us. … Perhaps we have no problem leaving the person behind, but we continue to harbor animosity. In this case, we need to let go of the anger: holding onto anger does not serve us - and it might even serve to create problems in our physical health or emotional well-being. … In the realm of romantic relationships, some of us need to let go of unrealistic expectations. Whether we have idealized a past relationship or just read too many romance novels, some of us need to let go of the myth of the perfect lover: the fantasy of a relationship that requires no work and just brings us "happily ever after." By letting go, I am not implying "to forget" or "to ignore." By all means, we should carry with us the happy memories and the lessons we have learned from our past relationships. However, we need to let go in the sense of releasing emotional baggage we may be carrying around with us, so that we may be open to, and present for, a new relationship.

Some of us have difficulty letting go of a friend or loved one who has passed away. I have known mothers who have lost a young child who never seem to cope with this loss, emotionally: they carry it with them for years, like a dark and ominous cloud that — even on a sunny day - looms on the horizon. Children can have as hard a time losing their parents, even when the parents have lived long and full lives. Often adult children who have lost a parent before working through interpersonal issues, or before having an opportunity to say goodbye, have difficulty letting go of unresolved issues or guilt. Sometimes we may need to go for some counseling or do a ritual (some act with personal meaning) to allow us to release these emotions.

Many of us have trouble letting go of old ways of viewing people who have been part of our lives for an extended period of time. They may be changing, and yet we do not let go of viewing them in the same way, and/or we try to discourage that change. We refuse to let go of the labeling, categorizing, and pre-set expectations we have of those we know, and of ourselves. This seems particularly true of many parents of teenage or young adult children. Many parents have a difficult time letting go of them as children, and allowing them to grow up. It is hard for parents to make that transition from treating their children as kids, to treating them as adults and more like friends. Many of these same parents have trouble letting go of viewing themselves, primarily, in the role of parent. For instance, some mothers are afraid to let their kids become grownups, because they are afraid to let go of their own identity as "mother." They have become so identified with that one role, that they no longer are sure who they are, outside of that role. When we refuse to let go of old ways of identifying and viewing ourselves and others, we hinder the growth and change that is occurring.

There is a saying: Let Go, Let God. For most, if not all, of us, the letting go that we most need to do is a type of surrender. We need to surrender to life, itself. This means that we need to let go of our illusion that we actually can control most aspects of our lives. In many cases, rather than to fight "what is," we need to learn to accept and to be at peace… Too many of us are trying to keep a tight grip on things that are out of our control. This is like trying to grip the water flowing in a river. Put your hands into the river. If you try to get the water by grabbing it and clenching your fists, it goes right out of your hands. If you relax and open, gently cupping your hands, the water flows into your palms. By relaxing, opening, and trusting, we can hold onto more of what is precious to us. By letting go, we actually allow more of the mystery of life to come in for us.

By Leslie Karen Lobell, M.A.

Copyright ©2001 by Leslie Lobell

I look so tough outside
I think I have to…
Even I’m so fragile inside
Keep trying to get through…

I am only a woman
Who believes in you…
Coz you’re my man
And I trust you…

I gave you my love…
And it’s always true…
You say, ‘I love you’
But you always make me blue…

Your words flow like a river…
And always drag me along…
Now I want to pull over…
Can’t wait for long…

I only want to find my true love…
I thought it’s in you…
I feel yours is not true…
So set me free from you…

Dear Ann and Aimee,

I’d like to say about a few things that are important to me, and that I hope will be important to both of you. Please be patient if I ramble a bit.

Well, you know that I can be unreasonable at times, and sometimes I’m distant or angry when you don’t think I have any reason to be. You learned some years ago that I am not always right about things, even though I still tend talk as though I expect you to think so. Now, sometimes it’s you who is right when I am wrong, and with increasing frequency I learn more from our conversations than you do.

That part of your life that excludes your papa and me is quickly growing bigger. We may be growing relatively smaller and maybe less relevant to you as your horizon broadens. We are less in your thoughts, and our prescriptions and proscriptions and our advice are maybe less and less influential in your decisions, and perhaps less welcome as well.

You’re also at the age where life is becoming much more complicated. You have more personal goals that you have developed on your own, as well as more responsibility for achieving them. Your own values, desires and aspirations may be pulling you in conflicting directions.

Your friends are becoming more complex, too, and it may be hard for you to understand why they act towards you the way they do. The new world of sexuality may be knocking your relations with your special friends out of kilter. It may be stirring things up so much that you despair of ever sorting it all out.

Hate has been largely unknown to you, so it may puzzle you to see that you are also beginning to have enemies. You might find that there are individuals or groups that dislike you or even hate you simply for what you are, or what you aren’t; maybe it’s because of what they themselves are or aren’t, the differences between you and them, or because you reject their attempts to control you.

You are facing more expectations and more restrictions from every direction. Your friends, your school, your papa and I, and society in general are all demanding more and more from you. Maybe you’re beginning to have doubts about yourself because of all that.

Over the years, you have surpassed me in a number of ways. Even as a small child you began to develop a talent that remains for me only a wish. You learned to see flaws in my knowledge and argument. The milestones of your development are all points of tremendous pride and satisfaction to me.

Now, I don’t pretend to understand your situation completely. You are you and I am me. We have grown up in different worlds to some degree. Hell, I don’t even understand my own situation perfectly, even at my age. Still, I hope you will understand and remember that I have a depth and breadth of experience that can still serve you very well as you struggle through these next years of teen hood and early adulthood.

For every mistake you have made so far, I’ve made a dozen more of a dozen more kinds. For every hurt you’ve had, I’ve had more and deeper. I’ve traveled the highways, the byways and the alleyways of life, and even some of the gutters, while you’ve barely gotten out of the driveway. The angst that sometimes consumes your whole being now and that wonderful, enviable, excitement at the grandness and importance of the ideas that are entering your bright mind are for me now only distant memories mixed with nostalgia and amusement, small in the background of a long life fully lived.

I may not always have an answer that solves your problem; you may not like my advice, and you may not agree with it. That’s up to you. In any case, my advice is only offered. I give you only the best that I have and my only purpose is to help. Consider it fairly in the wider context of your life. If it helps you understand your situation or overcome a hurdle in life, I will be happy and fulfilled. If you have sufficient wisdom to step upon my advice to reach a level that is even higher than I can take you, then I will be even happier and proud as well.

I hope deeply that you will want to tell me about your problems, huge or tiny, even if I have little more to offer than a pair of ears to listen and hear you out.

I care more for you than I do for myself or any other part of my life, past or present. I want to help you be strong enough to cope with life’s many challenges, which are now only beginning to bear on you. I want to help you achieve an understanding of yourself and the world around you that will allow you to live a full and gratifying life. I want to help you maintain a goodness of heart that will let you feel joy in life and support and nurture those that you will love.

That’s what it means for me to be your mama, and I will always be that for both of you.

I love you very much.

Always, Mama

You’re not one of the reasons why life is worth living, not one of the reasons why I’m happy all day long, neither why I’ll never feel alone - you’ll never be one of the reasons, because you’ll always be the only reason ….

I LOVE YOU and I ALWAYS WILL

I see you, beside me
It’s only a dream
A vision of what used to be
The laughter, the sorrow
Pictures in time
Fading to memory
How could I ever let you go
Is it too late to let you know

[chorus]
I try to run from your side
But each place I hide
It only reminds me of you
When I turn out all the lights
Even the night
It only reminds me of you

I needed my freedom
That’s what I’ve thought
But I was a fool to believe
My heart lied while you cried
Rivers of tears
But I was too blind to see
Everything we’ve been through before
Now it means so much more

[repeat chorus]

Only you

So come back to me
I’m down on my knees
Boy can’t you see

How could I ever let you go
Is it too late to let you know

[repeat chorus 2x]

*_* the song says it all… ;>

I never thought you would be back. It never occurred in my mind that I would see you again, not even in my dreams. But here you are, in front of me, talking and laughing with me and being comfortable with one another as if nothing happened thousand of years ago.

Why didn’t I felt hatred and pain towards you? Instead, I felt happiness and hope that these things will be endless. I already believed that answers come when you stop asking, believed that you can take back the love you thought you’ve lost, and believed in soul mates. Because if not, why are we here in front of each other? Why in the world have we met again?

I don’t want to ask anymore. I just want this to last even if this will result in just being friends. Staying - even without promises, is more than enough. I don’t want to wish for more than this. Remaining as friends is enough for me to assure that you will stay not forever, but for as long as I live … I loved you then and I still love you now.

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I’ll always stay with you
But baby that’s not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that’s something I can’t do
Oh I could say that I’ll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I’d only hurt you
I know I’d only make you cry
I’m not the one you’re needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand I’m only doing this for you
I don’t really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
You’ll find someone who’ll be the one that I could never be
Who’ll give you something better
Than the love you’ll find with me
Oh I could say that I’ll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I’d only hurt you
I know I’d only make you cry
I’m not the one you’re needing
I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don’t wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I’ll never be the one you’re needing
I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never gonna work out
I love you, goodbye

Loving you was easy, losing you was hard. Loving you is still easy, but knowing you are no longer mine, is the hardest of it all.